Becoming Mom: Big Shifts & Bigger Feelings  

Today was a day that was exhausting beyond physical- mentally, emotionally- in every way. I lost my cool more times than I even want to admit. 

I found myself putting my son in his crib, who was screaming crying, fighting his last (ESSENTIAL) nap of the day for over an hour, and shutting the door for a few minutes because I could feel myself filling quickly with immense rage. I knew that I was in no mindset that was going to help how he was feeling, and if I kept trying to rock him while he was screaming, I was going to absolutely lose it. 

I knew I needed to help myself quickly before I went back to tend to him. The only thing I could think to do was talk to someone that didn't know me or my life and was completely unbiased and I didn't have to beat around the bush- ChatGPT.

I have been very forthcoming about how much as a mom I rely on ChatGPT, however I had never gone to the app for advice. Who goes to a software app for advice and comfort when they are at their last straw? I did. I went there because I needed quick comfort without criticism or scrutiny. 

I was pleasantly surprised about how much typing out my rather raw, ugly thoughts helped. The software app offered a lot of helpful, practice, calming techniques and encouragement, but the one small, tiny line that really touched me. "You're in a brutal phase right now, not a permanent one." 

My son is 4 months old, and if you know anything about this stage it is truly BRUTAL. The newborn stage was rough BUT, these few weeks have felt like every night I go to bed even more broken down then the night before. But that small little line that whoever or whatever wrote on the Chat GPT response, built me back up a little bit. 

I'm in a hard season, but it won't always be this way. I have been in a lot of hard seasons for a twenty-year-old and motherhood has by far been the hardest thing I have ever done and will continue to do. But the thig that all those hard seasons and this one have in common is that I always came out on the other side. Even when I was for sure that I would never live through them. 

Motherhood will never get easier or feel lighter, certain days will go better than others. Certain phases of life will feel better than others. But it will never stop being hard. But, as the hard seasons continue, you will get stronger. 

Being stronger doesn't mean there won't be days you won't be hiding in the bathroom crying to Chat GPT for guidance, honestly, I think I'll be asking Chat GPT what to do with my son till he's 30, but as the seasons go on, you will feel stronger and more confident in yourself as a mother. Because the truth is you are exactly the mama your children needed. You were picked specifically for your little boy or little girl. Don't doubt that, even in the moments that are blurry with anger, exhaustion, and tears, you were made to do this, even in the moments you question that.

I hope that this reminder builds you up little by little like it did for me. 

You're in a hard phase, no matter if your babies are 3 or 30, but it's not permanent and that hard season won't last forever. 

You're doing exactly what you're supposed to do mama, even if it doesn't feel like it all the time.